Which drunk are you???

Ive spent the last couple days bouncing around between two blogposts I'm in the midst of.  They've become my escape from the things I should actually be doing.  Todays little ramble shall explore the depths that is 'drunks'.  I don't care who you are or what you do, I can guarantee that someone you know, will fit into one of these little descriptions perfectly.  Actually, seeing as you know me, its a sure thing.

Now Ive been known to sink a few sav blancs and schooners in my time, I'm what they call a social drinker, I'm just a very social person.  So I am definitely not doing this in a point the finger type way, its more of a post from experience ;)

The Pretender

This is something I will never ever understand.  Its generally a female thing, a young female thing.  I'm talking the girls who have 1 light beer/lolly water/glass of bubbly and somehow, they are slurring. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.  I mean I'm not talking about young teens who snuck a sip of something and are acting this way to appear cool, no i am talking fully grown legal drinking aged woman.  YOUR NOT IMPRESSING ANYONE. congratulations, you can get drunk and look idiotic, you are not bringing anything new to the table here.

The Crier

Again a woman issue (although I know a few boys who should take note), whats with the crying?  It's like all the alcohol they are drinking is falling out of their eyeballs.  The more they drink the more they cry.  The more they cry the more I drink, and then the less I care understand them.  And thus begins a cycle.  From my experience, the best thing you can do in this scenario, is palm them off. Anybody will do, then run. get out of their.

The Sleazeball

Two beers deep and their anybodies.  They put their arm on you that little bit too long, get in your personal space and whispers slurry shit that you cant understand and stinks of scotch.  I don't know why people seem to think they ooze sex appeal when highly intoxicated, the only thing they are generally oozing is b.o and bad breath ;) Just like the crier, your best bet is to palm their affections onto some other sucker and get out of their.  Also, never be alone, you become prime sleazeball target.

The Phone Abusers

A personal decision iv always made is to leave my phone alone when drinking.  With today's smart phones their is just far to much temptation to make a complete arse of yourself.  People, for the love of god, put your phones away when consuming alcohol, it isn't going to end well. The folowing are the outcomes you will most likely incur:

• Horrible photos uploaded on social networks
• Regretted messages sent to ex girlfriends/boyfriends
• Dialling anyone who will answer
• Going on a commenting spree on facebook
• Mispelt and typically embarrassing messages to your entire phonebook

The 'I'm going to kick every bodies arse' guy

This actually could very well apply to girls.  I don't know what it is but certain people just drink and then evolve into Mike Tyson, minus the ability to actually fight.  They don't need a reason, heck their victim doesn't even need to be a person, a good telegraph post is generally fine.  I will never understand this type of drunk, why would you want to ruin your  fun? Non the less I can guarantee you there will always be a person in every social mix who drinks a few to many, and wants to fight his own brother for sharing the same mother.

The Pass Out Guy

I'm going to admit, I'm guilty here.  I can give this description to a tee.  There one minute, gone the next.  Its like I just have enough and pass out in the foetal position go to bed.  The typical pass out offender never says goodbye, just slips away and that the end.  They have no recollection of said event, nor of the hours leading up to it.  oops ;)

The person who wants you to drink like its an Olympic sport

I HATE these people.  Here's the scene:

Idiot: DO A SHOT
Me: Does Shot
Idiot: DO ANOTHER
Me: yeah probably wont.
Idiot: Aw your soft, your a girl.

For the love of god, you are not some sort of drinking god, and I do not have to drink to your standard.  Also, if I don't drink ridiculous amounts of your shit tasting cheap spirits, I am not 'soft' so stfu. -_-

The Story Teller

Aaaah the story teller. Old relatives are particulary good for this one, but I have several young people who are severe offenders.  They've had a few beverages, and suddenly, there entire life story is presented on a platter.  And don't you even think you have a story that is even remotely as good/sad/emotional/interesting/worth listening to; they are the ultimate human being.

The absolute worse, the character to round out my post,

The I don't know when enough is enough

Ahhh deary. Its 3am , the post party after party is done, theirs people passed out, people have gone home, the musics off.  But theres always one hanging on.  One who just doesn't want the sun to rise, doesn't want see the end of the evening, just wants to pump out one more sloppy rendition of khe sahn.  They cant stand, cant speak and are having trouble functioning.  They try to convince anybody, including children and the elderly, that the party's not over. GO TO BED!!

And thats pretty much it.

If you found yourself relating, maybe slow up on the ol juice?? ;) 

A
x